When I become the president of the Federal Republic, I will begin my first tenure by unbundling Nigeria to make it work for you. First, I will structurally alter the Nigerian political leadership tenure system. Through a constitutional amendment process, which must pass in my favour, I will end the cycle of elections every four years and institutionalise a constitutional process of six years single tenure for the president, governors, and lawmakers. The six year single tenure will run through all the geopolitical zones, which will also become constitutional organs for the allocation of federal resources. Yes, I will change the system and allocate funds to the regions not the states. With that, in 30 years, the office of president would have been ‘enjoyed’ by all the geopolitical zones in the country as each zone will occupy that very juicy office for six years only.
Then, I will ensure that as administrative units for the sharing of federal allocations, the geopolitical zones will become regional governments and manage the affairs of states in the regions. That way, no state governor will need to relocate to Abuja and govern his state from there. I will structure the constitution in such a way that any governor who stays outside his state for seven days will be unilaterally removed from office by the president. Yes, I will do that because you are elected to govern a state not to come pester me in Abuja. And, the regional governments shall have constitutional powers to regulate the funding and administration of local governments in the regions.
I will support these necessary changes with the also decentralisation of the judicial system such that the regional governments will have constitutional powers to create appellate court systems and appoint their judges. The National Judicial Council will have no business appointing or approving judges for the regions. The Supreme Court in Abuja will then be made to adjudicate only constitutional matters that affect the life of the federation while other cases of criminal nature will terminate at the Supreme Court of the region’s which shall also build, operate and maintain its own prison system. If they want, they can build them in the style of Alcatraz.
When I am through with that, then, I will focus on the legislature. Through a constitutional amendment too, I will ensure that Ministers are appointed from the National Assembly and will only earn allowances as Ministers because their salaries will be paid by the National Assembly. I will make the National Assembly a very disinteresting place to work by changing the salary structure such that Senator and members of the House of Representatives will only earn what university professors currently earn while university professors will earn what Senators currently earn. I will make sure that secondary school teachers are remunerated like oil company executives because without then, there won’t be skilled workers for the oil companies. I will also make sure that those who oil the wheel of the bureaucracy in National Assembly earn more than the lawmakers because they are the engine room of the parliament.
Still on the legislature, I will constitutionally outlaw constituency projects and push all such things to the regional governments which businesses it will be to ensure that whatever we call constituency project is executed by them. I will also outlaw the purchase of vehicles for lawmakers. If you do not have a car for yourself prior to your to the National Assembly, it is indication that you may not have been productive to yourself and if you have not been productive enough to buy yourself a car, you cannot be productive as a legislator. The National Assembly will not change you. When I do this, you will see how effective the national Assembly will become.
When I am through with these structural unbundling, I will now face the corruption community. I will merge all the anti-corruption agencies and ensure that anti-corruption cases that have been cleverly buried on the dockets since 1999 are exhumed and concluded. This means that all pending anti-corruption cases and investigations will get very strong attention with special anti-corruption courts empowered to handle them with dispatch. My anti-corruption campaign will go back in time because to heal the present and walk into the future with clear minds, we must address the past. With my anti-corruption drive, every snake that had swallowed what it ought not to have swallow will vomit it… and it will begin with the President’s office. So, if you have been tainted, just forget lobbying for appointment because the anti-corruption agency will scrutinise you thoroughly and even the claims you made in your asset declaration form will be publicly verified and reported. There will be no hiding place for you.
What else will I do when I become president? Yes, all the regional governments must ensure that every mineral, solid or liquid, deposited in the region by nature, is mined and produced within the region and sold only as finished product. That means, my government will not allow the export of minerals to anywhere. We will export only finished products. Foreign companies that need those minerals to produce finished goods, are free to set up production facilities within the regions and only the regional government mineral boards, or companies, will be authorised to sell such minerals. This will be strictly enforced with the severest of consequences for violations. I won’t play politics with this.
Lest I forget, there will be no overseas medical tours or treatments for me and members of my family. So also for governors, ministers and legislators. As your president, my medicals shall be conducted within the country, and in fact, I will prefer roots. And, the media will have access to my medical records. This is because I don’t trust those foreigners to keep my secret as much as I trust our journalists. If those guys abroad decide to keep quiet, it is only because they know that they will use your record to blackmail you when they need to bend you to do their bidding. Finally, I will appoint a lot of Gen-Z’s into government after abolishing the Office of Chief of Staff. With Gen-z’s in government, we will have a lot of Ai-generated content to keep the propaganda machine active and keep you burning your money on data while the unbundling goes on.
Sounds desirable but funny right? Well, I am fantasizing. However, I am realistic enough to know that for the above reasons, no one will allow me become president. No one who feeds from the Nigerian system, as it is, will ever allow a mindset like mine to get close to the office of president, though these structural changes are desirable to birth a sweeter Nigeria.
