We Don’t Have Room for My Visiting In-Laws. Can I Put Them in Our Camper?

We recently bought a house in a mountain town where we’ve rented for 15 years. It’s the perfect location: within walking distance of trails in one direction, and the old downtown of this former mining town in the other. Since the COVID pandemic, this lazy town has become incredibly popular—and expensive. What our family of three could afford was a 100-year-old fixer-upper, 900 square feet, two bedrooms, one bathroom. Because our town is now hip, all our friends and family want to visit. And we want them to stay with us.

Over the years we often stayed with my brother-in-law’s family. They have a big house, and they always offered us a guest room with its own bathroom. We loved it and were so grateful. When they came to visit, we gave them a room, but one of them slept on the living room couch. Six people used one toilet and shower.

If they were our only guests, I might be more generous. But with all our company, it’s starting to feel like a hotel. So I’ve proposed to my partner that when his brother’s family returns, we house them in the camper that we park behind the house in the alley. It has heat! It doesn’t have a toilet, but they can come into the house if need be.

But my partner thinks that would be rude, and that if we’re going to have guests, we have to house them indoors. But I argue that a hotel or Airbnb in this town costs $200 a night. They should be grateful for what we have to offer! Shouldn’t they? —Location Rich, House Poor

Dear House Poor,

First, let’s breathe deep and count gratitudes. You own a functional house in a great place. You have friends and family that you like well enough to invite into your home. You have a camper! Those facts alone speak of an abundance, even if the shabby home feels like poverty.

Visiting Family Creates an Ethical Conundrum

It’s tempting—just ask your partner—to attempt reciprocating with family. They offer you a suite, you should offer them a suite! And yet the financial reality is likely not equal. You didn’t tell me enough about their home to know if they own a large house (because they are fabulously wealthy), or because the house is in some undesirable place where real estate is cheap. It doesn’t really matter: what matters is that your partner may feel some element of envy or shame while comparing your hovel to their mansion. That’s a strong driver of behavior.

Sundog finds your camper solution both elegant and charming. Your guests have presumably traveled to your mountain town not just to see you, but also to see the mountains. Let them rough it! You may even provide a down-home chamber pot—a five-gallon plastic bucket—should they prefer a more authentic experience. No extra charge for the privacy. Your partner and child will be much more gracious of hosts if they all get to sleep in their own beds.

If your guests prefer luxury, then they can choose one of the pricey accommodations you mention. I understand your partner’s concern that it might be uncouth, but I don’t see anything unethical in offering what you have.

Morality aside, there may be a question of legality. Some cities expressly forbid occupying motor homes in the street and driveway. And for good reason. Setting up a HipCamp in your driveway will violate laws and enrage your neighbors. There’s a big difference between letting your family stay in the Casita versus running a pirate trailer park. Let your conscience be your guide here, and if a crabby neighbor complains, you can address that when it happens.

The last thing I’ll say is that there may be some intra-family dynamics here that aren’t quite at the surface. That may be between you and your partner, or between your partner and his brother. If the camper solution blows up in your face, then you’ll have to confront those tensions more directly, and perhaps come up with a new plan.

Should a Reader Offer a Refund?

Recently Sundog wrote about the ethics of selling used gear that may not last, specifically an old sailboat on an old trailer. Reader LittleTug chimed in with his opinion:

I read your article on should you give back more money to the person who purchased your old boat. No offense but that is ridiculous. Everything works the day before it breaks. I am sure that you did not make it break. If you lied about something other than your opinion on its condition when you sold it (that is fraud) you should not consider giving back one penny. They just want it for free.

If you bought it would you try to get more money back? I would not. He could have had a marine surveyor check it out before he bought it.

Mark Sundeen teaches environmental writing at the University of Montana. Got a question or a response? Send your questions and complaints to [email protected]