“It felt really good and it was different, but it was the first time where I think I took ownership of my performance,” he offered. “Because I was always acting or telling myself it wasn’t that serious — whenever I won, I could always say, ‘Well, I’m not better than him; I just won. I’m a guy that got lucky’ and every time you lose, you can say, ‘See? This is why I suck,’ and all those words meant nothing. This was the first win where I went out there and I won because I was better, I won because I prepared well, and I take this seriously.
“I won because I love what I do, and it was very freeing, but also very terrifying because it’s like now I know I’m putting my 100 percent into it, and if I fail, it’s because I failed.”
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Once more, Leavitt said aloud what is usually kept quiet, which I thanked him for, noting how powerful and meaningful it is to hear an athlete express those kinds of hard truths.
But I also should have reminded him that there are times you can do everything right throughout camp and in the Octagon and still come out on the wrong side of things, just as there are instances where you an have a miserable camp and make countless mistakes and end up standing triumphant in the center of the Octagon.
And I should have told him that everything he shared during the course of our brief, but heavy, conversation made it clear that regardless of what results come in the future, he’s already won.
