When we find ourselves in the middle of a challenging time—whether we’re in the thick of an intense work deadline or a heated argument with a loved one—well-meaning friends will shake their heads in sympathy and tell us that the only way out is through. But what does it really mean to endure suffering and come out on the other side?

It turns out classical yoga has a concept to guide us in transmuting our situation.

In the second chapter of the Yoga Sutras, Patanjali begins his discussion on how to practice yoga with the word tapas—and he’s not talking about Spanish cuisine! Sometimes tapas is translated as “learning from our suffering,” but it basically means “to burn” in the way that you might burn away impurities by heating gold. This is why I often call yoga a form of alchemy.

What is Tapas?

Patanjali explains, “Kriya yoga, the path of action, consists of tapas (self-discipline), svadhyaya (reflection), and ishvara pranidhana (dedication to the divine). Tapas is mentioned again as the third aspect of niyama, which is the second limb of yoga’s eight-limbed path.

With this focus on tapas, Patanjali is making a life-altering statement about the value of our suffering. We can transform our pain through the alchemy of yoga. That doesn’t mean we use spiritual bypassing to avoid suffering. It means that by experiencing the pain, and understanding why we’re suffering, we can become wiser and eventually experience more peace.

I think this is one of the most misunderstood aspects of yoga. It is a path through suffering, not around it. Yoga practice begins with a willingness to learn from our pain and suffering—to feel it. The practice of tapas begins with being honest with yourself. It’s stopping your immediate knee-jerk reaction to pain and sitting with it. Even if you can sit with it for one breath, you have successfully practiced yoga. It is a practice that is more challenging than the most complicated asana (pose). Only then can you reflect on why you are suffering, and eventually you can surrender to the truth that you already have what you need inside.

Tapas in Everyday Life

The other day, my husband made a comment about how when I water the plants on our porch, I’m not careful and the water spills all over the place. I remember noticing how quickly my mind started thinking of a response—searching for something I could criticize him for in retaliation. Then I paused and noticed what I was feeling. It was the pang of hurt from this slight criticism.

And this is the tricky part. Tapas isn’t an invitation to accept abuse. It’s increasing self-knowledge by shining a light on our unhealed trauma.

I still snapped back at my husband about how he doesn’t water the plants at all. But at least I saw my mind in action. I became more sensitive to the fact that when I’m in pain, I don’t respond in ways that are in alignment with my larger goals in life.

For example, I love my husband and want to create a loving and supportive relationship with him. So rather than snapping back, I could have shared honestly by saying, “When you criticize me, it hurts my feelings.” The truth would have allowed him to understand and get closer to me, rather than push him away by criticizing him in return.

The work of tapas, for me, is uncovering the reasons why I don’t allow for greater intimacy in my life. This means understanding why I don’t think I’m worthy of love. It includes lots of other incorrect beliefs, based on past traumas, that keep my mind in a reactive state. Tapas is the willingness to experience the suffering that comes my way rather than avoid pain by blaming others or through addictive behavior.

I repeat, tapas is not an excuse to accept abuse. This point is especially important for anyone who has been abused, marginalized, or otherwise experienced trauma. Don’t let spiritual practice become an excuse to accept abuse or allow yourself to be controlled by someone else, such as a teacher or “guru.”

It’s a skillful balancing act. How do we use our yoga practice to open our hearts and learn from our suffering, while not accepting abuse or avoiding pain through spiritual bypassing?

Martin Luther King Jr. explained it so clearly when he said, “As my sufferings mounted I soon realized that there were two ways in which I could respond to my situation—either to react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering into a creative force. I decided to follow the latter course.”

Ultimately, It’s a way to transform our suffering and shift away from being a victim. We can transmute our suffering through the embodied practices of yoga. We experience anger, pain, frustration, disappointment, and grief in our body. So we need a physical and energetic practice to support the healthy processing of these emotions. It all works together in a beautiful choreography.

This is a very personal experience, and it’s not something we can tell someone else to do. It can easily be misunderstood and lead to victim blaming. But ultimately, tapas is a gateway to empowerment.

To dive deeper into how to practice tapas and all eight limbs of yoga, join Jivana Heyman for his upcoming live online course, Accessible Pranayama & Meditation: Exploring the Eight Limbs of Yoga. The above text is excerpted from Yoga Revolution: Building a Practice of Courage & Compassion.