By Sunday Ani
Scores of parents, comprising mothers mainly, were gathered in Festac, Lagos, on July 5, to receive lessons on the secrets of good parenting at a programme organized by a nongovernmental organisation, i NEED to KNOW Foundation.
Tagged ‘Parents Forum 4.0,’ and themed, “Navigating Through The Present Times,” the programme had such seasoned speakers as Ayodeji Megbope, Joan Oladapo, Olufunke Adetuberu and Director General, Christ Against Drug Abuse Ministry, Dr Dokun Adedeji (CADAM) and the Convener/Founder, I need to Know Foundation, Mrs Vivian Kayode-Yusuf.
According to Mrs Kayode-Yusuf the idea to bring parents together for the programme stemmed from their interactions with children, teenagers and young adults in the past. She said they realised that parents must continue from where they stopped when the children get back home, without which their work would not produce any positive outcome.
“We have been working with children, teenagers and young adults, but over the years, as a result of our interactions with these children, we saw the need to start up a forum for parents as we realised that we can’t take their place. We can only try to bridge the gap but the truth is that when the children are done with us, they go back to their homes.
“So, there has to be a follow-up from the homes. Unfortunately, most of the home fronts are in trouble. So, if you are teaching them, trying to change their mentality and they get back home without a follow-up, they will get back to square one. But when you are training both the children and parents, there is that synergy; it may not be drastic but you can see it is progressing and getting better,” she said.
She noted that the invited speakers were those who have had ugly personal experiences while growing up but somehow, had managed breakthroughs and become successful parents. The idea, according to her, is to encourage parents who might be passing through some ugly experiences bringing up their children.
“We are looking for geniuses, people who have had stories, maybe negative real life stories but somehow, God has helped them to be better people and better parents. Such parents are encouraged to understand that no matter their condition, there is still hope,” she stated.
She noted that the feedback from the previous events also boosted her morale to continue with the programme. “Personally I am overwhelmed. This is the fourth edition of the parents’ forum. I am also being blessed through this programme. We get more than enough feedback even from people who never attended but watch our programmes on social media. Parents and children equally call in to express their gladness over our programmes. Each time we have a programme, we do a follow-up and it has been amazing,” she added.
She revealed that her passion for children, apart from her nature, equally stemmed from growing up experience. “I had a very strict mum. I had questions to ask but I was scared to ask her. I am sure she would have answered if I had asked because she was my best friend but nobody told me that it was okay to ask her questions. I wish there was an avenue where children could ask questions while I was growing up.
“So, I just wanted to create an avenue where children can feel free to ask questions without being scared; where they can be mentored. Our society has changed; it is not like before. It is more complex now. Today, everybody is with a gadget and you don’t know what they are doing, the site they are visiting and that is scary. But if you have people you can talk to, that same phone that can destroy a child, can equally make that child a better person. So it all depends on how it is handled; it all depends on how you train them,” he said
He called on the government and well-meaning individuals in the society to support the programme, saying, “So, funding is still our main problem. We don’t have funding from the government; it is only from a few individuals who believe in what we are doing. The more we pay attention to these children the better for all of us. In the next 10 years, most of them are going to be parents. If you think you have brought up your own children in a good way, they are still going to go out there to meet other people; so everybody is in trouble really. So, the earlier we concentrate on these young ones the better for all of us.”
On her part, Mrs Megbope described parenting as warfare and called on parents to wake up to their responsibilities.
She noted that most people fail as parents because they repeat the errors of their parents. She said she was deliberate about parenting such that she swore never to repeat the errors of her parents. She said: “Parents should be intentional about what they say concerning their children. My parents spoke to me concerning the negative things I manifested as a child but we spoke positively concerning our children even when they manifested negative characters. It was a deliberate and personal decision to deviate from the way my parents reasoned. Parenting is not easy. Don’t speak words you don’t want to manifest in your children even when you have noticed those character traits in them”
He also urged parents to live by example, pay attention to their children and nip their children’s negative behaviours in the bud. “Have zero tolerance for nonsense and emotionally connect to your children consistently,” she added.
l had stood before my husband and I to celebrate us for good parenting. And that is because I chose not to repeat the errors of my own parents,” she stated.
For Adetuberu, who said she was raped and got pregnant in the process at 17, advised parents to always put their past behind and forge ahead. She said nobody should allow his or her past to weigh him or her down from going ahead to fulfill his or her dream.
She summed up her lecture by advising that parents should always trace the root of their problem, embrace it, erase it and replace it, stressing that that is the only way to get over past ugly experiences and chart a beautiful future.
On his part, Dr Adedeji spoke on the dangers of drugs, noting that there is no street of Lagos without drugs.
With over 30 years working with the youths on drug and drug-related matters, Dr. Adedeji lamented that substance abuse has eaten deep into the fabrics of Nigeria because the country has been careless about it. He advised parents to be observant of changes in their children and seek help in time. He warned parents not to hide the fact that their children are into drugs but to speak out and seek help.
